fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
my poor anus
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize