The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
