I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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