When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
