They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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