I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
