All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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