Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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