Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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