I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
