Whatcha textin bout Willis?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
