my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize