There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
