Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
