So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
