please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
