Don't make out with my wife yet
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
