Umm I'm too high to move.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
