Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
