I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
