As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
