I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize