you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We need to get me chipped asap
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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