i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
