God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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