I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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