Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
