Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
