I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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