His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Your cock deserves a montage
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
