I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
