Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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