my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
