I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
