The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize