...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
