She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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