they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
