i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
