Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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