You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
