no, he came in my armpit
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
