Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
