i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
