I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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