Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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