why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
