you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
