Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
