what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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