HIV tests are more positive than that guy
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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