No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
