Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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