All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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