I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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