If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
