marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
