I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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