I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize