I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
