Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
