are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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