I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize