i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
