Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
