Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
