Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize