I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I enjoy the company of your penis
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
