Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
