She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
