How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
