google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
