I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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