id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
