Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
