Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
