I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
even my farts smell like vagina
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
