Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I need to calm my uterus...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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