Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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