Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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