Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
