Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
