my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
