are you still at the devil's house?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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