He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
