Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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