That's intense
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Randomize
