It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
