so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
