Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
