Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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