$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize