I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
