i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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