sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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