i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
