remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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