Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
