I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My balls are so social today.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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