Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My vagina is officially offended.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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