dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you will always have a special place in my vag
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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