I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
