Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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