I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
