I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
