Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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