you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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