dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
whose parrot is this?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
