2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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