There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
